…yet you constantly find yourself alone
It’s quarantine season. It’s either you are stuck in your apartment alone (or with a few roommates) or you’re surrounded by the overwhelming presence of your family and/or friends. Not being able to get out and meet the people you’ve been missing for the past months to have fun just makes you feel alone and lonely.
Maybe you’re that someone who always wants to be alone because in there, you find peace and rest. When you’re bored, you can easily find things to spend your time on and get distracted. On the other side of things, you may be that person who finds it hard to go through the day without a companion. It’s so hard for you to express your emotions without someone who listens or understands you. The worst is, if your strong love language is physical touch. Yet whoever you are, you just find yourself suffering from the negativity of being alone.
God said it’s not good for man to be alone but you just can’t understand it, or at least relate to it, because you feel like you’ve been in a solitary confinement. And you don’t feel like God’s gonna redeem you from there anytime soon. More than that, it’s hard for you to accept that you’re feeling it when you’re really feeling it. You deny it as much as you can and try to find your way out on your own, still alone, not realizing that you’re just expanding your empty prison cell.
Then we try to justify it with this question, which is real by the way:
What’s so bad about being alone, though?
As an introvert, it’s naturally my personality that I love being alone. This quarantine has been in my advantage because I love doing stuff on my own, I love exploring and creating on my own. While my body is idle, being alone means a lot of time to be still, and that’s when my mind works on the extreme.
Yet, being alone brings a lot of disadvantages too, even to me. It is dangerous.
It brings loneliness.
That’s obvious but imagine what fruits loneliness brings, and if you’re not emotionally strong enough, you’ll have it sooner. A few minutes later, you’d start questioning your identity because you felt abandoned. You’ll overthink about your personality and the mistakes you’ve done. You’d go back to your history, which your mind now pictures as ugly and embarrassing. Then you’d start overthinking about other people, too. And then God. Yet there’s no one who can stop it, except, again, you’re emotionally strong enough to stop it.
It might cause wrong decisions.
If you don’t have anyone you can trust to talk about some decisions in your life, then you’re going to decide on it alone. And when you’re going to decide on your own, you’re depending on your own ability of assessing and evaluating your situation. And your own assessment is always biased. You only have your own point of view. The temptation to sin is strong and next thing you know, you’re already defending yourself so that you can justify your wrong decisions that will lead to wrong actions that will conceive regrets later on.
It makes one oblivious.
…or selfish and self-centered. It might make you forget to care for others and you’d find it hard to build relationships. The more you’re on your own, the more you’ll believe that it’s better to live alone and not get involve with the community or even with another person. Worst case, you’d start being apathetic. Everyday, you’ll just strive to get through, eat, sleep, and just
In short, being alone, for so long, will lead you to sin: distrust from God, become apathetic, doubt your identity and purpose, lie even to yourself, serve yourself’s interest, etc.
And this leads us to our main question:
If it’s not good for man to be alone, then why am I alone?
Before we answer the question, you have to remember that this doesn’t confirm the trueness of what you’re feeling. Your feelings are valid and real, but it might not be the truth. You might not be alone after all. You just don’t see it. And you don’t see it because you don’t realize it.
Maybe you just don’t realize that there’s someone you can trust because you’ve been living alone and got used to it. It’s like a hole in the ceiling. When it rains, you’d settle with a bucket to keep your floor dry, wishing you had it repaired before, but it’s too late now because the situation doesn’t allow you to. Once the rain stops, you’d forget that you have to repair it again, because you’re already okay; no need to stress about the dripping water and the bucket.
You only remember wanting to have someone to lean on when you’re feeling low, but do not seek for help. In case the problem comes again, you can’t seek help because you cannot find someone to go to right there and then since you haven’t built relationships enough when you had the chance to, because, again, you felt okay.
Or maybe, you just feel alone because you couldn’t get the attention of that one person you wanted to be with.
Or you developed some trust issues because something happened before with your past relationships, like with a friend, a family member, or the one you dated before. And it’s already hard for you to trust and seek help when you need one.
Whoever you are, even a mixture of these three, you have to remember that the people you’re depending on to get you out from loneliness aren’t perfect like you. They might’ve also been experiencing the same, waiting to be saved from aloneness and loneliness. Some might even be waiting for you, specifically.
The people who cannot be there for someone else, that includes you.
The world doesn’t revolve around us, individually. However, our Creator is everywhere, He isn’t bounded by time, and He holds the world. He’s the only one who can understand and be with us all simultaneously.
You might have already read a lot about not being alone because Jesus will always be there, but let it sink in this time.
Jesus is your friend.
Even when everyone might turn their back against you, you gotta realize that Jesus has always been there. He experienced how it feels like to be abandoned and forsaken (Matt 27:46), and He loves you too much to have you experience it. He allowed Himself to go through that painful event so that He will be able to save you.
He let Himself be abandoned so that whoever believes in Him will never be abandoned.
Ask Him to be your companion and trusted friend. He is willing to be one because He loves you with an everlasting love. Until you realize that truth and receive Him, you’ll never find your mind rested and peaceful.
Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand.Psalm 73:23
Whenever you feel lonely, remember that Jesus is Someone you can spend time with. Read the Word and pray, and you’ll experience calmness.
The Holy Spirit will help you.
If you’re afraid to talk about your personal life and need help in making decisions, remember that Jesus, before He left, left us with a Helper and Counselor. You can always open your heart and be transparent with the Holy Spirit. You can tell Him even the ugliest part of you. You can rant to Him and tell Him even the simplest and pettiest things you can think about.
When you’re faced with difficult decisions, trust that He will give you wisdom when you ask for it. The key here is just really asking. To learn to be sustained. To learn to give up your limited and problematic power and authority, and depend on the One who has the ultimate power and authority.
God prepared a family for you.
God’s family is big. Aside from the Trinity Himself, everyone who believes and accepts Jesus as their Lord and Savior is part of the eternal Family.
As Rick Warren said in his book “What on Earth am I Here For”,
“God wants a family, and He created you to be part of it, . . .”
and it’s not like the usual family because
“. . . being included in God’s family is the highest honor and the greatest privilege you will ever receive.”
It’s an eternal family that reflects God’s love and glory.
You can ask Him to send you people from the same family that you can be comfortable with. People who you can just be yourself with, without trying to fit in because you already belong. If you ask, He will send you people who will be with you, help you, care for you, and love you. And not only that, He will also send you to people whom you can do the same thing unto.
When God said it’s not good for man to be alone, He meant it. He loves you so much to leave you alone. That’s why He sent Jesus, His Son, to die for you to save you so that you will be part of His grand, eternal Family, and sent the Holy Spirit to guide you in this lifetime.
When God said it’s not good for man to be alone, He meant it. You’re not alone.
References and readings:
> The Purpose Driven Life (What on earth am I here for?) by Rick Warren
> Image source: lovesove.com