“How to Deal with Difficult People” by Bo Sanchez discusses about different types of difficult people, which he called vampires, and how we ourselves are also vampires to some. Reading this would really be like stabbing yourself because the fact that you are also a vampire will sting more than the fact that some people in your life are actually vampires who you have just been tolerating.
A vampire is someone who leeches off of you. They suck out your joy and peace for so many reasons that sometimes we cannot understand. They take pleasure when you’re devastated or stressed out, or just not blessed enough. They have a lot of hidden agendas and a lot of times, you won’t know it.
Some vampires in our lives can be categorized into eight types (as mentioned in the book):
► Criticizing vampire — always criticizes whatever you do
► Controlling vampire — controls you because of some hidden agenda, or they just want to bully you
►Contradicting vampire — always contradicts to your opinions and ideas to humiliate you
► Complaining vampire — complains almost about anything; they like to be a victim of something always
► Clinging vampire — will not let go of you because they find you a source of their need
► Crying vampire — very sensitive and thinks whatever you do pertains to her
► Coward vampire — always say yes, but ended up not doing them, just because he can’t say no.
► Con vampire — deceives you and make you dance in their lies.
Something Worth Sharing:
How to deal with your vampires
First, you need to know that those vampires in your life do not need you to change their attitudes towards you. You just have to be kind and show them the opposite of what they’re doing because most of them act like that because of their upbringing. They may be weren’t loved enough or experienced trauma growing up.
So you “do not heal their badness but heal their brokenness.” You just have to show them love just like Jesus did. And that love from the Father will change them eventually. It’s not you who are going to transform them, but God’s perfect love.
Second is, you have the choice to go away. Keep a distance from them, and make sure you’re seeing them very less likely than before. This will help yourself grow because having them around could really hinder you to be intimate with God. There may be times that all you can do is be angry whenever you see that person.
Give yourself a favor and move away. Besides, it can also be a blessing for you to meet new people in your life.
Lastly, protect yourself. Build your emotions such that you will not be carried away by their actions with hidden agendas. Learn to say no, and really fight for your right, but not fight them back. Learn to argue with love, grounded in God’s word, so that you won’t be a victim, and they could not suck out your joy in the Lord.
How to know that you’re a vampire
Impatience and envy are two of the many characteristics that could say if we’re a difficult people to others. Being impatient could lead us to anger, and anger could lead us to many sins. We become impatient because we forget to care, to try to understand, to relate, and to speak love to them. And we become envious because we forget that we are already beyond blessed and forgot to be happy for people who are receiving their blessings.
All of these are because we are only thinking about ourselves, and not about loving other people even if it might cost us some sacrifices.
If you keep on burning up with a simple mistake, if you always see the faults others rather than their efforts and performance, then you probably need to work out on your patience.
If you become not contented with what you have, because you do not have the thing your neighbor does, then check your envy-meter because it might be getting higher. Sometimes envy could be in the form of being a negative thinker towards others. You think they might just be too great of a person and you just want to point out their flaws just so you could feel better than them.
To fight it all, love is the main key—the true love that changes everything.
‘And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
There are still a lot more from this book which I will not be able to write here. But nonetheless, it is full of wisdom and encouragement.
This book fits for you if you know you have people that you can hardly deal with, and build good relationships with them. That is actually all of us. It will help you learn how to handle and respond when you’re faced with these kinds of people. You will realize that you are also a vampire to others and still need to undergo a continuous transformation, and learn how to handle the deeply rooted sources of why, at times, you are a vampire.
Have a good read. 😉