Last year is probably one of the densest years that I’ve been through. It feels like there were a lot of things that happened, compared to the previous years.
It’s the year when I started my masters degree, was in a trauma for months, yet also was in a healing process, got accepted for a scholarship program after failing it in the previous year, attended Victory Katips and met my new family (victory group mates), volunteered in a ministry, was able to travel to more places, and lastly, I met a lot of new people.
More than these physical experiences, there’s nothing more denser in the heart than having to feel a couple of emotions at the same time. I can actually say that 2018 is a very stressful year for me. I had a constant battle with being sad and feeling depressed. I know that God is the source of life yet sometimes, reading the Bible just gets boring and tiring.
And I thank God for all of these because everything is permissible yet not everything is beneficial (1 Cor. 10:23), and not be beneficial in terms of our interpretation of the circumstance, but everything has a purpose (Prov. 16:4).
Aside from the inner struggle, there was also a burden for me about having to engage with new people. Honestly, I love having new friends or just conversing with old pals, hear new stories, and witness the greatness of God in other people.
Yet the sometimes, nodding is easier to do than listening.
It can really be draining. And maybe that’s what’s wrong with me because it’s hard for me to keep a relationship that strong and intimate, especially when we do not even see each other often times.
I value relationships but I just don’t have the strength to cultivate and grow it.
I’ve always wondered how to be like Jesus who were able to endure everything here on earth. How can He be compassionate about engaging and teaching people, who are very problematic, the truth that gives life. How can He still walk, and talk, and not really letting the tiredness stop Him from reaching out to the lost.
I prayed and prayed.
Once when we were having a small group (VG) discussion during the first quarter of 2018, we were talking about how we can share and demonstrate the gospel to our friends and family. Then our VG leader told us
“Let’s be intentional. That’s the word. Be intentional into sharing the love that we have received.”
And I’ve been hearing that word a lot of times since then. I know that’s what I really needed. That was God speaking to me directly .
I realized that sometimes, we just take for the granted the 24/7 availability of God to hear us. We lose track, we forget to ask the Holy Spirit to minister to us, and we sometimes read the Bible just for the sake of opening the book and reading a few verses that we do not even understand, and we thought it was okay.
Familiarity is really deadly.
It’s the lie of the enemy that’s trying to tell us that we don’t have to read this certain passage anymore. That we don’t have to come to God because surely He will deliver us. That it’s okay not to pray because He already knows.
And with that, we tend to just live the same, the cyclic system just like how this world rotates and revolves. And we’ll stay under the manipulative work of mankind, just to breathe and survive.
Which is really wrong.
God wants us to be intentional in growing our relationship with Him. To be intentional in talking to Him because of our love for Him, because He first loved us. God wants our hearts.
He wants your heart.
This process of drawing to God more leads us to drawing closer to people also. Because being intimate with God syncs our heart’s beat into His, and we’ll know that His heart is also for our families, friends, for the lost.
And it’s not a sudden change. It’s a process. And God is willing to wait to for you, for us. Let’s give ourselves time to learn, read, and speak life. Let’s try to live out Jesus in us. To act with humility and gentleness (Colossians 3:12), to be mindful about others, to speak gracious words like honeycomb that is sweet to the soul (Proverbs 16:24).
Let’s live out 2019 with more of God and more of people kind of life. Yes, it will be hard but God’s grace gives strength and makes us able.
God and people. God and people.
Happy new year everyone! May you see and taste the goodness of our Lord throughout the year 2019. ❤
Btw, what’s your word of the year for 2018? You can share it below. 😉